Monday, February 2, 2009

IS YOUR MARRIAGE FIREPROOF?

I have a question for those of you who are married. Did your husband “court” you when you were going together? If so, is he still courting you?

All too often, once the ring is on the finger, things slip into a routine and sometimes we forget to treat each other the way we did when we were first in that starry-eyed dating time. Remember those days when the guy could do no wrong? You know, the one who held your door, called you all the time just to talk and left you little love notes?

Since it’s now February, the chilly month where we dream of curling up with a good book…wait a minute! I meant to say that we dream about curling up with a Hunky Hero, munching on the chocolates he gave us…while we gaze lovingly at the dozen red roses he had delivered. Yes, I write fiction.

This past weekend my Special Man, (my Hunky Hero for more years than the age I admit to) bought a copy of the movie Fireproof and brought it home so we could snuggle on the sofa and watch it together. Have you seen it? It stars Kirk Cameron as a cocky fireman who, like a lot of men, feels his wife is lucky just to be married to him and since he brings home the bacon, she can take care of everything else without any help from him.

Well, can you imagine his shock when she files for a divorce? I’ve been a woman who had a J-O-B outside of the house as well as a full-time “job” at home with kids, hubby, house, shopping, cooking, cleaning…well, you all know the drill, so I can understand his wife’s feelings of utter frustration when she felt taken for granted.

Fortunately, I never had to fight my man to help me at home. He was always willing to shoulder more than just his day-job. But, I digress…back to the movie.

When the marriage is falling apart, he tells his friends that it’s her loss and not his, admitting to himself that he’s devastated and eventually talks with his father. Now his father, like a lot of older man, has been around the block a few more times and has learned what women want and what a man needs to do to hold on to his woman. In this case, he knew what his son needed to do to win his wife back. He gave the younger man some sound advice.

He told his son to court the wife for 40 days. Do little things for her that she doesn’t expect. Although he thought it was stupid and fought it at first, he soon learned that the way to a girl’s heart is in the thoughtful little things that a guy does for her and not expensive gifts.

If you haven’t seen the movie, I highly recommend it. Oh, and just a side note. In real life, when Kirk Cameron married his wife of 17 years, he vowed never to kiss another woman, even in the movies. Wow! How romantic is that? However, as an actor, that could definitely cause a problem. Problem? Nope, not in this movie. In the last scene when he kisses his movie wife, it’s actually a stand-in. Have you guessed? Yep, it was his real wife with a dark wig on and the shot was taken from a distance.

So, how do we get our men to court us even if we’re married to them? Well, maybe you could buy this movie for Valentine’s Day, snuggle up on the sofa together and watch it. It might give him some ideas…or not, but at least you’d get to enjoy a good movie.

If you’ve seen the movie, I’d love to hear your opinion…especially about the 40 days of courting his woman. Is your man like the fireman in the beginning of the movie or is he like the man that the husband became after he courted his wife for 40 days?

24 comments:

Debbie Kaufman said...

We are going to see the movie for Valentine's Day at our church. But, without having seen it, I'm still sure I've got the one who courts me. We keep a regular date night, make sure intimate moments are regularly on life's schedule, and still kiss goodbye and hello like we were dating. Proof that you can be sizzling hot and still be Fireproof!

Cinthia Hamer said...

I haven't seen the movie, but it sounds great.

I've been very lucky in love. After just a SIX DAY courtship, my sweetie proposed and I accepted. I was just 18 years old!

We celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary two weeks ago.

Like every marriage, ours has it's sunny peaks and dark valleys, but we still kiss goodnight and tell each other to "drive carefully" when we go off to work.

We're best friends and spend just about every spare moment together simply because we love being together.

Dianna Love said...

I definitely married my hero and he's never stopped doing all those little things that mean so much to me. I feel very fortunate and let him know it every day - something I feel is important to do so he never feels taken for granted. We often are asked by new people we meet if we've been married recently because we're always holding hands. :) They are usually shocked to hear we've been together 25 years.

But we're big movie fans (particularly at home) so we'll check out Fireproof.

On a side note - did you know Petit Fours and Hot Tamales is in Barbara Vey's Publisher's Weekly blog today (Beyond Her Book blog)? You have a nice promo spot.

Abigail McKenley said...

I love this movie! Rey and I have been married for 13 years and I'm very lucky to have married my hero. Every single time I watch it I feel blessed to have found him.

Marilyn Baron said...

I wouldn't exactly call my husband romantic although he's a great husband and we've been married for 35 years, but he does wash all the pots and pans. I've never (or hardly ever) washed a pot and pan in my entire marriage. Even when he's out of town I save them in the sink and he does them. I guess you could call that love.

I've never seen the movie but I will try to watch it.

Marilyn Baron

Tanya Michaels said...

Thanks for the movie recommendation--the anecdote about him kissing the stand in is very sweet :-)

I think it's important that both husbands and wives remember to "court" each other. I mean, it can't always be candlelit dinners, but we have to show each other in little ways that we love each other. It's funny because so many of us expend effort on--for lack of a better phrase--shallow love. You want to know the tapes I made, tears I shed, or elaborate homecoming gifts I constructed for high school boyfriends whose last names I can barely recall? Yet it's more difficult to find that kind of extra time and energy for my husband of more than a decade, the father of my children and a man I truly cherish.

He's the first to admit that he gave me the full court press when we were dating and then kind of, um, slacked off. We had two babies very close together and I think we both forgot to be romantic for awhile, but it's been fun to get back in the habit--whether it's a big sentimental gesture or just something small like the card I leave for him on his dashboard to find before he leaves for work or his stopping to pick up dinner so that I don't have to cook while I'm on deadline!

Tanya

Linsey Lanier said...

Oh, yes! I've seen the trailers for Fireproof and thought it might be good. After Sandra's post, I can't wait to get a copy and watch it with my hubby.

What a wonderful discussion to start out February. Now this is romance! My sweet husband does a lot around the house. Shopping, cooking, laundry. And years ago he said we always have to say "I love you" to each other at least once a day. Lots of hugs and kisses, too.

Thanks, Tanya and Dianna for stopping by. And thanks for plugging us on Barbara Vey's website. It was great to have her at our last meeting, where Tanya did such a great job on POV.

Linsey

Cyrano said...

Sandy,
I loved your post and intend on watching fireproof. It sounds like a good movie.
I too married a great guy, my hero and love of fifteen years. He's never been the stereotypical romantic type, but everyone's idea of romance is not always the same. Like Marilyn's husband is willing to wash pots and pans, Dusty is always willing to help around the house. Plus, he gives the best foot and neck massages in the world! And he's a fabulous cook! The man can make a marinara sauce like nothing i've ever tasted.
I'm glad you decided to talk about romance Sandy.
Have a nice evening everyone and make sure and say something sweet to the ones you love.

Tamara

Sandy Elzie said...

Hi everyone,

Sorry it took so long to get back and comment...Hubby & I are taking a class together over at Luther Rice University and then we went to lunch for his birthday and ran a few errands.

Thanks for all the positive comments. I love reading that so many of our group...and our friends who dropoed in to share...have found their hero.

Dick & I have been at it over 40 years and quite frankly, it seems like such a short time.

Yes, there have been moments when we got selfish or just swamped with life, but we agreed early on that we'd never both be "down" at the same time and "please", "thank you", "I love you", and "I'm sorry" are warnout words in our marriage.

The only way to keep a marriage Fireproof is to both be willing to work at making it good for the other and wonder of wonders, it turns out to be great for you too.

Sandy

Anna Steffl said...

What a great post, Sandy! And, it was a treat to read all the other stories, too.

CiCi Barnes said...

Ah, yes, the little things in life make such a difference. One day we were out by the pool and my DIL asked why I was getting something for my hubby when he had two good legs. I told her his two good legs did things for me all the time and I was returning the favor. For forty years, hubby and I have given and taken from each other when we needed it the most. I never tire of helping him and I think he feels the same way. After all, he's been doing it for forty years. And each one gets better than the last one.

Great post, Sandy. Sounds like I need to watch the movie and maybe I'll even bring hubby a snack while he fires up the DVD player.

CiCi

Susan May said...

I've not seen it but have heard a lot about the movie. Will add it to my list of things to do. Nice post.

Dianna Love said...

Thanks for the nice comments here and on Barbara's blog. I think you're doing a great job with your new blog. :) I'll try to stop in any time I can.

Also, if any of you didn't visit the PW blog today - there was a post about AMazon's Break Through Novel Award. It's a contest where Penguin makes the final decision and awards a book contract. But it's only open between Feb 2-8th. Read all the details carefully before entering any contest - don't enter just because you saw it on PW. I didn't have time to read it thoroughly, but on the surface it looks like a great opportunity and "someone" has to win. :)

Tami Brothers said...

Hey Sandy,

This sounds like an awesome movie and this is a wonderful topic for our first February post. You really made me think about everything I take for granted. With our busy lives, it is so easy to 'forget' the niceties we used to do. The ones who end up suffering are the ones we care about the most.

All of the comments made me re-think my priorities and I will definitely be taking a deeper look at how I'm treating my hubby and even my kid.

Thanks for this eye opener!!!

Tami Brothers

Nicki Salcedo said...

Sandy, you and your husband should be marriage counselors!

I loved all of the comments so far. People think romance writers are idealists, but I think we are realists. Finding love and keeping your relationship fireproof isn't easy! But it is fun. :)

Sandy Elzie said...

Hi Ladies,
(I wrote out a big long comment just now, clicked on publish and it vanished into a deep black hole !@#$%^ So, here goes again. TAKE TWO!!!

CiCi, I so agree with you that it's the little things. If men just understood that one little thing, it might solve a lot of the mystery that they seem to think surrounds us. I also loved your comment about getting him a little snack while he fired up the VCR. Right on target!

Nicki,

I loved your comment about hubby & I being marriage counselors. That's not the first time we've been told that. Even our youngest daughter's best friend said that to us about 17 years ago.

After Dick asked my father if he could marry me...yes, he did it the old fashioned way...and after Dick went home, my father told me that it would never work if we were only willing to have a 50/50 arrangement. He said that we'd have to be willing to give 150% on some days. When one was "down", the other would have to be willing to pick up the slack if we expected to make it long-term.

Hummm Reminds me of an old sitcom. Remember Father Knows Best?

Sandy

The Writers Canvas said...

I love movies, Sandy, so I'll definitely check out Fireproof!

Wanted to stop by and say I'm enjoying the blog too! Look forward to seeing y'all at the next GRW meeting :)

Elaine

Sandy Elzie said...

Elaine,

Thanks for stopping by. We always love to have friends visit and we're excited that you're enjoying our blog!

Sandy

Anonymous said...

sheesh, I've tried 8 times to post here, even created an account... let's see if anonymous works.

Pamela-reader said...

Hello, I'm attempting a short post with my account.

Pamela-reader said...

Humm, sorry for the multi-post, but I'm trying to figure out what's going wrong.. let's try html break test. NOT

Pamela-reader said...

Hello all, I wanted to add my $.02 to this comment chain. First, to introduce myself, I'm an avid reader who, unlike most of you, has absolutely no desire to write. I just want to see more of you guys succeed because that give me more great books to read!

Ok, on to the comments...

Dianna L. - I know exactly what you mean about people asking if you're newlyweds... we've been married 9 years & recently had someone say we hadn't been married long because my husband complimented me in front of them! What a sad comment about the state of that person's marriage!

Susan May - move the movie to your "short" list of things to do... It is worth bumping up the list.

Finally, I would like to state that I have the best husband I could ask for. He doesn't consider himself romantic if you ask him, but he does the sweetest things for me and compliments me frequently (and *yes* I do the same for him!). After we saw the movie Fireproof, he was so impressed, he sent out a letter to our employees (35 of them) saying that anyone who sent us movie tickets where they went with their spouse to see the movie would be reimbursed on their next paycheck! I thought that was impressive - he says he thinks the movie should be mandatory viewing for all husbands and wives. :-)

Oh well, I'm going to close down the comment some now, but I'm going to take a clue from Sandy's experience and save this long thing in the clipboard buffer before I click that button!

Keep on writing!

Pamela-reader said...

Just in case ANYONE wants to know... even thought the box below says you can use a few html tags... it LIES. :-) Later!

Tami Brothers said...

Pam, you are hilarious. Definitely add us to your favorites. I have really gotten a kick out of reading your posts!!!!

Tami Brothers