Wednesday, September 16, 2009
By: Debbie Kaufman and Sandra Elzie
This month’s theme is about mature heroines so we thought we’d join our efforts and give you insight from two “seasoned” travelers who recently had their own little adventure: one filled with conflict, romance, and a story line that typifies us older heroines. We now feel uniquely qualified to write one of those Traveling as Couples for Dummies guides. (Wait; did we get those nouns reversed?)
Every good book needs a blurb. Ours would read something like this: What do you get when you put two happily married couples on a road trip to the mountains to locate obscure properties WHEN the driver is directionally impaired and the front seat passenger’s main bit of dialogue to the ladies in the back seat is “Where’s your sense of adventure?”
Now, we should pause here to note our First Bit of Sage Advice: When traveling through life…and we’ve both been at it for just a couple more years than we like to think about, our advice is to not sweat the small stuff. Let’s face it, if it’s not going to be important five years from now, let alone one year or even next week, why risk a frown crease in your forehead? After all, how can any woman resist the fun of wilderness travel, the prospect of needing a tow off a remote road or the possibility of careening off the edge of a road (and we use the term loosely), into a creek?
Frankly, in this story the heroines forgot their own advice a time or two. Fortunately most of the new wrinkles will come in the form of laugh lines.
Second Piece of Sage Advice: When traveling through life in a car with your husband, accept in advance that certain rules apply that aren’t needed when a woman travels alone or in groups of other women. For example:
• Common sense overrules GPS. If Tom-Tom, Garman or whatever you call your tour guide tells you to turn right and all you see is a dirt road through the trees, common sense tells you that’s not the way to Highway 75…unless husband # 1 is driving and went to MIT and is just sure the technology knows what it’s talking about. And let’s not forget husband #2 with a map in hand nodding in agreement with husband #1 and the GPS. Besides how can mere wives compete with Yoda’s voice insisting in 300 yards, right you must turn?
• Directions? We don’t need no damn directions.
Face it, men don’t need directions. Never mind heroine #1 in the back seat saying if you just go back TO THE MAIN ROAD and take the next turn… Oh, well, ‘nuff said on that subject. Well, except for the fact that going back to the MAIN ROAD and taking the next turn was exactly what finally got us to the property. But really, 'nuff said.
• 4 Wheel-Drive is not a super power. Both heroines of this story pointed that out more than once on the occasion of crossing a creek with two boards for a bridge.
• Roads that drop off sharply to what shrieking heroines perceive as a perilous descent should be navigated carefully, if at all.
• Driving through remote wilderness areas is best done when the gas tank isn’t sitting on empty. In his defense, Husband # 1 stated, “We’re not out of gas. The red light only comes on when we’re on steep hills." Uh, when weren’t we?
• Bathroom breaks are an essential element of every trip. It seems only men have the bladder of a camel and only men get an ego boost when using the great outdoors. After all, if God has the animals using the forest as their very own personal potty, it must be okay for us…right? Nuff said on this subject also.
• Smart husbands never disregard their wives directional advice especially when the wives were right EVERY time.
Final Piece of Sage Advice: When two writers and their husbands travel together, smart husbands should never abuse the power of the front seat on road trips, ESPECIALLY not when the wives have a blog… Husband # 1, realizing this, now says he’s not browbeaten, but blogbeaten.
In conclusion, let us assure you that no husbands were harmed on this trip, regardless of the few stray thoughts of mayhem that threatened to sneak out and grab them from the back seat. As mature travelers, let us assure you that when the sun goes down and everyone can laugh, it was a good day.
Now it’s your turn to share with the world about one of your memorable road trips.