Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Have I Got a Girl For You!



Forget JDate, Match.com®, eHarmony or any other online dating services. We’re moving back to the old matchmaker days à la Fiddler on the Roof. I’m not talking about Yente. I’m talking about my mother, who is now trying to fix up my daughter – her granddaughter. Here’s an example of how a recent conversation went at a family birthday party.

“My son is 30 and he lives in New York.”

“So does my granddaughter.”

Another woman elbowed her way over.

“I have a granddaughter, too.”

My mother and the second woman proceeded to compare granddaughters and almost came to blows.

“Calm down,” said the Mother of the Prize (We’ll call him Steve). “Why don’t you both write down each of your granddaughters’ qualities and we’ll see who comes up with the most points.”

“Now, let me tell you about my son. My Stevie is an outfitter and a guide.”

“A spiritual guide?” my mother asked.

“No, a wilderness guide.”

“Is your granddaughter an outdoorsman?

My mother hesitated. “She’s been outdoors recently.” (She neglected to say that every time my daughter tries to do something strenuous, she trips and falls.)

She finally settled on, “She likes the outdoorsy type.”

“Where does your granddaughter live?” the Mother of the Prize asked the second woman, who answered, “Philadelphia.”

“She’s geographically undesirable,” said the Mother of the Prize, pointing to my mother before she announced, “Looks like you win.”

“Wait,” my mother cautioned. “If I’m your first cousin, then your son and I are second cousins, what does that make your son and my granddaughter?”

“Cousins three times removed.”

“Is that far enough?” my mother wondered.

“Talk about far, Philadelphia is very far removed,” quipped the second woman, who felt her lead slipping.

“I don’t think this is going to work out,” my mother said. “I think that your son and my granddaughter are related.”

Obviously that was not a match made in heaven. So I told my daughter she needed to go back on JDate.

“But everyone lies on JDate,” said my daughter.

“What do you mean, they lie?”

“Seriously. I just went out with a guy whose profile said he didn’t smoke. But whenever he talked, smoke curled out of his lungs, and when he kissed me, I almost choked on the fumes.

“That’s a deal breaker,” I agreed. “What else do they lie about?”

“Their height. I call it the JDate hair cut. You can pretty much shave two inches off the profile height of every guy on JDate. If they say they’re 6 feet tall, then they’re really 5’10.”

“What other Little White Lies do they tell?” I wondered.

“They lie about where they live. One guy put on his profile that he lives in the New York area. Turns out he actually lives in Connecticut.”

“What does this guy do for a living?”

“Well, he was going to school at George Washington University, but then he dropped out to follow his ex-girlfriend to California.”

“Stop right there. Ex-girlfriend? That’s a disaster waiting to happen.

What dating disasters have you engineered for your children? Care to share so the rest of us can avoid your mistakes? What are some Dating Game Tips?

Have you ever borrowed life experiences from your children to use in your books?

Marilyn Baron

14 comments:

Sandy Elzie said...

Marilyn,

LOL at your post! You're a cool mom...I never would have suggested that my girls go online for dates. That's just a little too scary. If they'll lie about one or two non-important things like height or address, then what else might they lie about...the kinds of things that are scary?

Gotta agree...smoker and ex-girlfriend is a deal-breaker. Too much baggage with an ex and can't stand to kiss a cigarette, so that guy would have to fall from the list of potentials with a loud thud.

Enjoyed the post.

Oh yeah, I have used family and family experiences in some of my writing...I just try to change enough that no one will recognize themselves...for sure, anyway.

Sandy

Marilyn Baron said...

Thanks for your comment. I use family a lot in my writing, except for one of my sisters who forbids me to write about her. Everyone else seems to enjoy being featured.

Marilyn

Cyrano said...

Okay,
Now that I'm done laughing, I can type and say, I had so much fun reading your post!
Your daughter's so gorgeous and sweet I'm surprised she doesn't have a slew of guys after her. Well maybe she does, but that slew is more of a slurry of undesireables.
I don't have any real exprerience setting my kids up. My daughter is 13 (She's not allowed to date until she's 30) My son is 16 and if I may say so myself, he has no trouble with the opposite sex.
In fact, yesterday he said this,
"Mom, you know that hot new girl in school I was talking about the other day?
"Yes," I said.
"Well yesterday I was at lunch with my friends and she came up to our table and asked for my daily planner. I handed it to her, she wrote something in it, smiled and then walked away. I quickly flipped through the pages and found her phone number inside."
Then my son laughed and said, "I don't even have to try!"
I laughed too. Good thing he's a nice kid or I'd have to slap him for being so egotistical.
Have a great day,
Tamara

Cyrano said...

Two more things.
Yes, I've used stuff my daughter says in a YA I wrote. She's really funny and re-works ordinary words for new things all the time. My favorite is NINJA. She uses this to replace the word cool. And SPICY is her word for hot guy.
I've even heard her frinds using these words and others she's coined.
Also,
your ID blog picture looks great!
Tamara

Marilyn Baron said...

Actually, the daughter you met at the GRW meeting is Amanda, my youngest daughter. She has been dating someone for three years, or as her facebook status says, she's "in a relationship."

My other daughter is older but they look alike. She lives in New York, so that's a different dating scene.

I guess I'm not as cool as Sandy thinks, since I never heard of NINJA or SPICY. I loved what you wrote about your son. He should definitely be featured in one of your books.

The photo was taken at the M&M conference this year by Debbie's son-in-law at One Six Studios. I was really happy with the way it turned out. I'd recommend everyone take advantage of that opportunity at next year's conference.

Marilyn

Dianna Love said...

LOL - I never have anything to contribute when it comes to kids since I have fish. "g" But I do love lurking and reading the stories.

Too funny. I would hope you'd use some of that in a book.

Susan May said...

Funny Marilyn. Especailly about the question is she the outdoors type. I've not used my children yet, but as they get older I am getting more material.

Marilyn Baron said...

Thanks Dianna and Susan for your comments.

Well, Dianna, animals are popular in books. As a matter of fact in my latest book the heroine has a pet rabbit, so why not a fish? But since you like action it would probably have to be a killer fish.

Susan,

I learn a lot from my kids. They're both funny so they provide a lot of material.

Marilyn

Cyrano said...

Marilyn,
You're not alone in your alleged uncoolness. I'm not cool either according to my daughter.
The reason you've never heard the words NINJA or SPICY is because Blake, my daughter, made them up.
She's the cool one. I was a huge dork in middle school. She's very popular. So cool comes with the territory.
And I'm a dork now it seems, because I should have realized you were talking about your other daughter. Duh.
Boy, you've been blessed with gorgeous children Marilyn if the older girl looks anything like the younger.
Congrats!
Hope you get this a day late.
Tamara

Marilyn Baron said...

Did get it and thanks.

I think my kids think I'm cool, but I know I'm really not.

Oh, well.

Marilyn

Tami Brothers said...

I LOVE this, Marilyn!!! I was laughing for quite a bit sitting in my little cube at work. It reminded me of the MANY times my mom tried to set me up. Thankfully I never took the bait because I've met a few of those guys recently. bleh....

Thanks for the pick-me-up.

Tami

Nicki Salcedo said...

Marilyn, you are awesome and your mom is awesome, too. Your daughters are lucky to have such fun ladies in their lives.

I fixed up my oldest sister with her husband. I was at college and a friend and I discovered that our siblings lived in the same city 3,000 miles away and were both single. 15 years and 3 kids later they are still happy. I'm totally going to use this story one day!

Thanks for the great post. I am constantly matchmaking. It is a job for me, like writing!

Marilyn Baron said...

Nicki,

I am really a matchmaker at heart. I always try to fix people up because I want them to be as happy as I am.

Marilyn

Tina M. Russo said...

OMG this was hilarious. Thanks for sharing.